Editor explores long-distance relationships, online dating

By Catherine Zende
zendec@mytjnow.com

Our love stories are not like the our parents’. We don’t always meet in person, and we don’t always spend days upon days with each other. 

And while we may wish that our romantic lives were like the old romances of the past, during which we see our love from across the room and subsequently begin the traditional dates to movies and restaurants, the 21st century has introduced a whole new dating game that changes romance.

Technology has changed everything about our lives, so why should it not also change our romantic lives? But is the new dating world a better dating world?

Long-distance Love

The discussion of long-distance love is near and dear to my heart since I am experiencing the difficulties of physical distance from my boyfriend. Considering the size of the campus and the disproportionate ratio of women to men, it is no surprise that many students find themselves in relationships with people outside the Winthrop community.

But if one key element of a relationship is physical proximity, how do long-distance relationships work for college students? From my personal experience, the answer is found in technology. Daily sessions of texting, Facebook chats, Skype video sessions and, of course, the more traditional phone conversation keep us connected. We are not physically close to one another, but technology has metaphorically filled the distance. 

I know long-distance relationships are nothing new or unique, but more and more college students are using today’s trendy tools to keep the romance going—at least temporarily. 

While my boyfriend and I are connected and still “together,” the relationship does not progress as quickly as it would if we were in the same county. We almost never fight because, like research has shown, individuals in long-distance relationship do not want to fight during their limited moments of contact. Instead, interactions become more based on a sort of 8th grade version of love in which we say how much we love each other and how great things will be once we are reunited (i.e. after I graduate). 

But this is not to say that long-distance relationships are easier or less likely to cause fighting. In fact, they are extremely difficult to maintain. Issues of jealousy, resentment and doubt are more likely to appear when you do not see someone everyday. Who is he with right now? Why has he not texted me back? Can we make it as a couple after being apart so long? Long-distance love is probably the most difficult because it is the most uncertain. But when the doubts arise, I log onto Skype or send a quick text to my distant sweetheart.

Online Matchmaking 

Technology does not simply change our current relationships; it can also impact how we establish those relationships in the first place. Online dating has come a long way since Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan exchanged amorous emails on AOL. Now we can connect with our potential soul mates via thousands of dating sites. There are dating sites for every imaginable group: Christians, Jews, African-Americans, homosexuals, the young and the old. What is more amazing is that these digital matchmakers promise to find us love based on scientific principles and technical advancements. You take a lengthy quiz and they will match you with someone who has the same “chemistry” as you—like an equation for love. 

So is it possible to calculate love? The “love calculator” ads asking you to submit your crush’s name and yours for a “free” estimate of your chances of getting married are pretty much scams (check out the fine print if you do not believe me). But sites like eHarmony, Match.com and Chemistry.com seem to have success stories. 

While I appreciate the efforts made by these sites to find “true love” through logic, I never made it very far on the sites. Once the free weekend was over, so was my interest. Still, many success ful love stories began on the sites, thereby showing that your computer can actually get you a date. I am going to caution all my single friends out there: do not log onto these sites because of a temporary, Valentine’s-day-induced depression. That is what I did, and trust me, it just makes it worse. Join the site when you are ready (and of a sound emotional state).

But even if you do find yourself a cutie on the site or maintain your long-distance love through steamy Skype sessions, remember that nothing (even technology, unforunately) can subsitute for some good, old face-to-face date time. And if you are still single, take some advice from a former single gal: get out there and mingle, because the Internet cannot give you everything.