Student breaks painful silence

By Kaitlyn Schallhorn

Staff writer

Kaitlyn SchallhornI expected a lot out of my first year at college - an abundance of new friends, challenging professors and a fresh start away from home. What I failed to plan for, however, was my own rape.

Sure, I had paid attention to those corny red-flag videos at Welcome Week, but I also made fun of them along with the rest of my class. 

Nothing bad could ever happen to me. 

No boy would ever invite me up to his room for a snack with any intention other than to try to help me gain the freshman 15. 

There would never be a situation where I would even need to yell “fire,” let alone have no one hear me.

Yet, exactly one year ago, I was shown there was some truth behind those clichéd videos I had mocked at the start of the year. 

I was shown it was quite possible for a “friend” to invite me up to his room under the pretense of hanging out with a group, and yet have more planned than just watching television.  And I was also shown there was the possibility no one would be on his side of the floor to hear me, let alone care. 

To this day, I still struggle with the guilt from that night. I had just started my college career; I should have been going out with my friends, living carefree and having fun. 

Instead, I stopped sleeping almost completely.  And when I did pass out from exhaustion every few days, nightmares that caused me to relive that night disturbed my sleep. 

I kept my assault a secret because I thought it was my fault. I was the one who put myself in that situation.

When the one person I did trust enough to tell blamed me with the same intensity I did, my lips were sealed even more. 

Because I began to become more and more introverted, I lost many good friends that second semester.

It took a long time for me to be able to trust anyone, even myself, with the knowledge of what exactly happened. 

I had no idea where to begin.      

Eventually, I did open up to a few more people about my assault. While most were very supportive and understanding, some - including my parents - were disappointed in me, as well.   

What I didn’t realize is sexual assaults happen more than I thought because so many, such as mine, go unreported or unannounced. 

Sometimes victims are silent because underage drinking is involved. Sometimes attacks go unreported because the victim knows the attacker too well. Sometimes, such as in my case, victims are silent because of an overwhelming sensation of guilt.

I was so silent for too long.

Resources on campus can help.  RA’s are on every floor, and it is their job to help students in any kind of situation; I know mine did. 

Health and Counseling Services offers 10 free counseling sessions a year and they have a plethora of helpful information for any sexual assault victim. 

 Campus Police is only a phone call away with officers who are compassionate and use discretion.  

 Winthrop is not a menacing place with men lurking around every dark corner ready to take advantage. 

 I don’t expect you to run away screaming in the opposite direction at the sight of a boy. Even I don’t do that. 

My point is we are not invincible.