Society is not failing you, you are failing yourself

Graphic by Althea Holenko • holenkoa@mytjnow.com

Panel2Graphic by Althea Holenko • holenkoa@mytjnow.com

Why do we fall?  As I’m sure that just about everyone on campus has seen  Christopher Nolan’s “Batman Begins”  the immediate answer that comes to mind is: so we can learn to pick ourselves up.  The quote, made famous by Linus Roache, is from Thomas Wayne, Bruce Wayne’s father.

Yet, just how applicable is this idea in reality?  Do we truly fall for no other reason than to simply pick ourselves out of the dirt and mud?

I would argue not, there are other forces that cause us to fall or in this case to fail.  Much of it is our own fault or faults, yet these faults continue to be glossed over as part of the self.

Allow me to start with a personal example.  I’m not gifted with an incredibly social nature; I’ve lost more friends than I can count due to stupid things I’ve either said or done.   My impulses almost always get me into trouble as I never seem to pull back on time when it comes to speaking.

Rather than attempting to fix my problem, I simply say:  “I’m socially awkward” and leave it at that. Backwards isn’t it. I know that I have a problem and I know that it is adversely affecting my life.   However, rather than working to fix said error, I treat it as part of myself and continue to revel in my issue.

In a way, it has become my badge of honor, something I wear with pride at times with a motto of “take it or leave it.”

What is apparent though is that I’m not the only person who does this. Most will defend their faults until the day they die.

This is why we truly fall. Humans are psychologically backwards, treating every bit of advice like it is a personal affront to everything we stand for.  As if they are some perfect being that can’t be improved upon.

Here’s another break down. People don’t care about you as a person.  Yeah, it is a cold statement, but it is how a vast majority of the world works.

No one cares how good of a person you are, all anyone cares about is how well you can provide for their needs.

In today’s society, a lot of us live by another movie quote.   In Fight Club, Tyler Durton states:  “You are not your job.”  Sorry everyone that believes otherwise, but you are your job and you’ll like never be much else but your job.

People are born, they go to school and then for the next fifty years they work.  When they die one of the very first things reported is their occupation.  In today’s world, you are known for what you do, your set of skills defines you.  So, if your only skill is sitting on your butt, chugging Mountain Dew and playing video games, no one is going to look at you twice.

At the same time, people attempt to pursue new skills only to quit because they are no good at it immediately.

Instead of working at something and making themselves better they quit because they aren’t good at it right away.  That is a pitiful excuse.  No one is immediately good at anything, but there is nothing someone cannot become good at without practice.  The harsh truth here is that people are lazy and refuse to seek skills that would make them more valuable; instead, they seek entertainment and request pity when no one wants anything to do with them.

Allow me to use myself as an example. I have about three major traits that can appeal to people.   I can write on a level exceeding a normal college students’, have a source of income and can convey information relatively well.  This means I have three things that other students are looking for and might come to me for help with.

In fact, it is rather amazing how many more friends I suddenly have when professors start assigning papers.

People are selfish, the sooner one realizes this the better their life will be.  Yes, it is a cynical way to look at life but it is true.  Apply a little common sense to this and one will find themselves with people that meet their own personal needs while also meeting others.

Nice guys, want to know why you are really failing to find women that want to date you?  Stop blaming society and start measuring yourself for a second, I’m sure you’ll find that you’re lacking in traits that are appealing.

In fact, apply this test to yourself. Do you have a well-paying job, could you satisfy your partner’s physical needs and lastly can you make a list of positive traits that do not include what you are not or behaviors?

The norm is psychologically inept.   We treat every bit of advice like it is an insult, refuse to make ourselves better and wear our faults like badges of honor.

If you want to succeed, if you want to make this world truly look at you and say: “now there is someone I want to get to know better,” first and foremost show some restraint when it comes to emotions.   Completely governing oneself via emotional responses is a good way to make sure that no one will want to be around you, so use restraint and relax.   If something gets out of control, take a step back and breathe.

Next, use common sense and figure out what the appropriate reaction is. This world is cruel and uncaring, but understanding that makes one a better person.

Learn a new language, find areas outside of a comfort zone and explore; the more experience and the more skills one has the more likely they are to succeed in life.

Don’t fall into a hole and lay there.  After all, no one can pick you up but yourself.  We may fall for other reasons than to simply learn; however, that doesn’t mean learning to pick yourself up isn’t important.

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