Love @ Winthrop

By Jonathan McFadden
mcfaddenj@mytjnow.com

Merry Sleigh and Darren Ritzer will celebrate 15 years as a married couple in January. Photo by John Rhodes • rhodesj@mytjnow.comNine years ago, rumor had it that Darren Ritzer and Merry Sleigh were having an affair.

Both wore wedding bands, but would always be seen together- walking and eating.

In truth, Merry Sleigh is Merry Sleigh-Ritzer, Darren Ritzer’s wife.

It was a typical Friday morning for the Ritzers when they met with their visitor. 

The kids were dropped off. Merry Sleigh sat at her computer, prepping to get through another day of classes, lectures and meetings. Two doors down, Darren Ritzer undoubtedly did the same. 

Nevertheless, their witty banter and congenial personalities were at their peak, so much so they didn’t mind addressing the campus gossip that mistakenly placed them as adulterers. 

“It was kind of a letdown for them to find out we were actually married,” Ritzer recalled with a smile. “End of scandal.”

“But I think now people know [that we’re married]; there have been enough students who know us,” Sleigh said. 

For the express purpose of avoiding confusion and the question, “Which Dr. Ritzer are you talking about?” the couple decided to go by different last names. 

Students get it, they said.

Colleagues, on the other hand, sometimes take more time on the uptake. 

“I think most of their spouses are in different realms; I don’t know if they could picture what it would be like to work with their spouse all the time,” Ritzer said.

Oftentimes, people will send messages meant for Ritzer to Sleigh, Sleigh said.

“It’s like they’re dealing with both of us, when they’re dealing with one of us,” she said.

Both associate professors of psychology with offices in Kinard Hall, Sleigh and Ritzer are marching into their ninth year as members of Winthrop’s faculty. They’re also entering their fifth year as parents. Their oldest is five and their youngest will soon be four.

They met in graduate school. While Sleigh taught, Ritzer served in active military duty. Despite Ritzer’s long commute and days without visual contact, both knew that one day they wanted to get teaching jobs together.

“So, we just applied to schools and applied to schools, and this [Winthrop] was pretty much the first school we could both agree on,” Sleigh said.

“Yeah, there were several we couldn’t agree on,” Ritzer added chuckling.

For Ritzer, it was his “dream school,” his wife of 14 years said.

“It was a lot closer to my undergrad, sort of small, teaching focus,” Ritzer said. 

Nearly a decade in, balancing professional and personal lives still isn’t a piece of wedding cake. 

“It’s hectic,” Ritzer said. 

“We work a lot,” Sleigh added. 

If both Sleigh and Ritzer have a meeting to attend, they have to hustle to find a babysitter. 

When at home, talk about work can occasionally infiltrate dinner conversation

“We always talk about work,” Ritzer said laughing. “We may try and get away from it, but it always comes back.”

Not that it’s bad at all.

If Sleigh is sick, Ritzer can step in and teach one of her classes. If Ritzer’s busy, Sleigh said she can pick up the slack.

Understanding the stresses and rigors of a day’s work is easier since both work and live under the same roof. 

They share the same “stress times,” Ritzer said. 

“We know when it’s advising, we know when it’s finals, so we kind of synthesize in a different way,” he said. “We kind of know the basics” of each other’s careers, Ritzer said.

It saves time on asking, “how was your day?” Sleigh said.

If Sleigh says she’s tired at the end of the day, Ritzer already has a pretty good idea why.

Ritzer said that he feels students see them as the “mother and father” figures of the department. 

“That makes me feel old,” Sleigh said with a laugh.

“We are old,” he answered comically.  

Love, two doors down

The writings of theologians and philosophers line the back wall of Kristin Kiblinger’s office in Kinard.

On a file cabinet in the far right corner are pictures of her two daughters. In a frame on a shelf is a picture of Kiblinger with her daughters and husband at the beach. Beside her desktop stands another framed picture, this one of her husband outfitted in a tuxedo.

Kristin and William pose with their two daughters, Anwyn (on left) and Maddie. At the time of the picture, Anwyn was 4 months old and Maddie was 4 years old. Currently, Anwyn is 3 and Maddie is 7. Photo courtesy of William & Kristin Kiblinger Kristin and William pose with their two daughters, Anwyn (on left) and Maddie. At the time of the picture, Anwyn was 4 months old and Maddie was 4 years old. Currently, Anwyn is 3 and Maddie is 7. Photo courtesy of William & Kristin Kiblinger To just the casual viewer, it would seem Kiblinger’s family is never far from her thoughts.

For the most part, that’s true. Her husband of almost 10 years works just two doors down the hall.

Kristin and William Kiblinger, both associate professors of philosophy and religious studies, came to Winthrop in 2003. 

They both met in graduate school while studying philosophy of religion, “but within that we were very different,” she said. 

When they started getting serious, Kristin said she and William both knew the chances they would both find jobs in the same place at the same time were “pretty darn slim.”

“In our field, it’s hard to find a job period,” she said.

Perseverance and patience paid off. In fact, it paid off twice. 

Kristin and William first worked together at Teal College in Pennsylvania for three years, she said.

“I think that probably gave us a little leverage when looking for that situation again,” Kristin said.

While on the search for “that situation,” Kristin and William both realized that not all colleges are willing to budge.

Kristin said she understands why universities may be hesitant to hire couples in the workplace. If there’s conflict in their personal lives where divorce becomes an option, it can hinder their productivity. If there’s a tragedy in the family, the university could lose two employees instead of one.

Winthrop has won the Kiblingers’ loyalty, Kristin said, because the university was willing to take a chance on them. 

More literature is available discussing family-friendly policies in academia, Kristin said, and a lot of universities are finding it advantageous for recruitment and retention if both spouses work together.

Some may say working in the same department may be a risk, but Kristin said she’s found it easier.

“The one department can decide they like you as a unit, as a pair, as opposed to one department wanting you and the other one [spouse] being pushed on another department,” she said.

From day one in class, William is transparent about the other Kiblinger in Kinard.

“When I begin a class, I usually mention there’s another Kiblinger around so when you’re e-mailing or coming by the office, be aware of that,” William said. 

Still, they sometimes receive each other’s messages. Other times, students will comment on the other spouse’s teaching style. 

Some will assume William was the “primary hire and I was the tag-along,” Kristin said. “But I don’t think that’s a marriage issue, I think that’s a sexism issue.”

How many at WU?

Winthrop’s human resources office currently doesn’t keep statistics on how many married couples work at the university, said Lisa Cowart, associate vice president of human resources.

The department’s benefits administrator could only think of 26 married couples “where both parties are permanent Winthrop employees,” Cowart said.

“There are some other married couple combinations of permanent employees and temporary employees, but we have no way of even giving an estimate of those numbers,” she said.